Thursday, August 21, 2008

Jesus Moments

I know this isn't the 2nd vacation vignette as promised. However, I feel compelled to share something with you, and feel I'd be remiss if I didn't.
As I vaguely call out on my sidebar, I'm a follower of Jesus Christ. He's my Savior and my Lord. Even after saying this, sometimes I find myself forgetting what it fully means to say that. However, Jesus doesn't forget, and always seems to demonstrate it when we're least expecting it, but most needing it.
There is a storm that I have personally been dealing with for a long long time. Over the years, it will increase to incredible heights, and then recede. It seems to be a perpetual cycle. During those moments, or days of increased strife, I quickly lose my footing. I don't forget that Jesus is there. I just feel disconnected and removed. I attempt to pray, to seek my Lord and ask for guidance and discernment. And I wait, hoping to hear His voice, or feel His hand on the situation. But inside I feel alone, I feel desperate, and unsure, and I feel a deep deep sadness and hurt and pain. And instead of looking for my Savior, I find myself looking for my fixer. "Lord, somehow, please fix this! I can't bear this burden, I can't carry this anymore. I am desperate, and I need this to pass!" and I wait...hoping that somehow, the storm will disappear, the hurt will lessen. And while I wait...I become more and more desperate, grasping for anything that will make it "better." But I am so overwhelmed by all the feelings and emotions, that I feel myself becoming less joyful. More guarded. So obsessed with trying to get myself "out" of the storm. A cycle that continues until I feel so completely drowned, alone and hopeless, I am unable to take another step. The idea that "This will never end. I give up. I can't handle this or beat this" runs and reruns in my head.
I have been in that storm for a few days now, and my spirit just feels broken. Just like any morning commute, I had my radio set to the Christian station here. I like the "feel good" chatting and the uplifting music. Most mornings, the words on the radio just kind of melt in the air around me. I don't really take them in...I just like knowing that they are "there." This morning however, my Jesus decided to remind me that he's not my fixer, but my SAVIOR. A song came on the radio. Not a new song, but a song I've heard many times, and sung many times. I believe it was originally written by Hillsong and titled "Mighty To Save." Today, a sweet, clear, crisp woman's voice came through my speakers. My ears perked up, and I reached to turn the volume dial up. And although I've heard this song so many times before, I actually heard it this morning. This is what I heard.

Everyone needs compassion, A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me. Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior, The hope of nations

My Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save, He is Mighty to save
Forever, Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me, All my fears and failures
And fill my life again. I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in. Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

After the first few words of the song, I felt the Spirit of my Jesus sweep over me. He was speaking to me. I heard Him tell me how mighty He is to SAVE me, how compassionate He is, how 'never failing' He is. How He is able to wipe away all my fears and my failures. How He can erase the hurt that has corroded my heart. I began to weep. Not tears of sadness, but of overwhelming relief. Of release. Of intense healing. Of restoration. Of joy. Of promise and love. I was overwhelmed that my Lord would come to me and tenderly and lovingly remind me, exactly what it means to call Him my Savior. The tears continued to fall as I spoke to Him, thanking Him for refusing to give up, even though I had. Praising Him for His saving grace and loving Him for reminding me of it. I know a lot of people refer to those moments as moments of divine intervention. However, it seems too impersonal to me. I like to refer to them as Jesus Moments. Moments when I am completely aware that the Spirit of my Jesus is with me, pouring into me, washing over me.
When these moments come, I believe the appropriate response is to share. And I don't know what, if any, storms you may find yourself dealing with. But know that I am praying that our Lord will gently and lovingly remind you, exactly what it means to be your Savior.

P.S. I want to give credit where credit is due. The sweet clear voice I heard on the radio was Laura Story. Beautiful.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

We sang that song in church last week. So powerful. I love it. Thanks for sharing this B, beautifully written.