Chinese Take Out

Living in the city provides some wonderful conveniences: Coffee shops on almost every corner, unique stores within walking distance, farmer's markets, trendy non-chain restaurants with "only the best local ingredients", pizza delivery until 3am, and Chinese take out. Growing up in a small small town, or as my friend Jay says "a village", I was not familiar with all these city conveniences. Moving to the city at 18, I was blown away. And I have learned to love these things. Especially Chinese take out. I love Chinese food, and I love the idea of delivery right to my door. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to cook. Love it! But cooking Chinese food is time consuming. You have to drag out the Hoisin, the oyster sauce, the vinegar, the sesame oil, the cornstarch, and on and on and on. Sometimes, I'm just not in the mood. And sometimes, if it's too hot out, or I'm tired and I want to just relax, I like the option to order take out. However, the tiny hole-in-the-wall place we used to order from, has gone WAY down hill since I moved here. I mean, B-A-D. I stopped eating the meat...because let's face it, it wasn't real meat. Then, they decided to start cooking all their food while smoking, (Why? I'm just as baffled as you) so our food tasted like cigarette smoke, not Chinese food. So for the past couple of months, even if we had wanted to, Chinese take out was not an option. But then lo and behold, the other day, we found a pile of take out menus from a NEW place that opened up close to us. I was so excited! So last night, we decided to take the plunge and order. And I have to say, it STUNK. One question: WHY DO ALL TAKE OUT PLACES USE FAKE MEAT? WHY? Come on...I know when I order chicken, and I get something that neither LOOKS like chicken or TASTES like chicken-it's NOT chicken. It's rubbery, chewy, slimy...sorry for the detail-but I need you to grasp how disgusting this is! I should know better I guess. When there is a picture of my meal that looks like this:all yellowish and fake looking, I should know not to order it, or attempt to eat it. Nope. No. NO. So anyway...we choked some down, and regretted it afterward. Fake meat is not good for healthy digestion, if you know what I mean. I just would like to know...why can't take out be tasty and real and appealing? Why does it have to be yucky and fake and unappealing? Why? Why can't I order take out, and it look like this:

THIS is what my taste buds are craving when I decide to order take out. THIS is what my stomach wants to enjoy and easily digest. You know? Where have all the good take out places gone? Where? Can't you see I'm upset? I know, I know-it may be silly...but as a consumer of Chinese take out...I think I have to right to be a little miffed. So that's it. Conclusion: Bad fake Chinese take out leaves me feeling miffed. Thus ends my ranting and raving of the ever disappearing good take out. Amen.